Home Digital Dating Case Study: 3 Tweaks to Online Dating Success

Case Study: 3 Tweaks to Online Dating Success

written by Mel Schilling, Psychologist

Meet Rachael.  Rachael had been single for many years when we met.  She was in her 30s and although she enjoyed a flourishing career and social life, Rachel was unhappy with her single status. 

Rachael came to me for help with her online dating project.  She was ready and willing to put the time in to make this work (just like she did with her career), and she was frustrated with her results to date.  After 6 months of dedicated online dating time, Rachael had experienced very little success. 

So we examined her profile together and uncovered 3 key issues: 

♥  Rachael only included 2 photos of herself.  She didn’t feel comfortable showcasing her whole body online so she presented one rather blurry shot of herself in the middle distance and another one with a group of people.

♥  Although Rachael was heading toward 40 and her biological clock was quietly ticking in the background, she hadn’t listed her desire to have a family on her profile.  She felt like she was still sitting on the fence on the issue, so why put it out there?

♥  Rachael enjoyed close friendships with a group of gay men.  Her trusted confidantes, she was proud of her friendships and featured them heavily in her online dating profile. 

We addressed the photos first.  Rachael’s current photo mix did not show her in her best light, nor did it say anything about her as a person.  After much discussion, Rachael agreed to change her photos and add a few more. 

She swapped her blurry main profile photo for another one of her sharing a warm and engaging smile, sitting at a dinner table where she had just enjoyed a wonderful evening with friends.  She felt that this one really captured her sense of fun and sociability. 

Next Rachael selected a group of 7 photos to illustrate herself living her best life – pictures of her with her family, friends, laughing and enjoying herself.   

We talked about the issue of choice in having a family.  Whilst she wasn’t sure if she wanted a family right now, Rachael certainly didn’t want to connect with a man who had ruled out having a family.  She didn’t want that choice taken away from her. 

So she adjusted her profile to state that she did want a family. 

Rachael and I talked a lot about her relationship with her gay friends, and the potential perception a straight male may have of this.  Rightly or wrongly, she realised there was a possibility that a potential date may be intimidated, put off or confused about this. 

She decided to limit her references to her gay mates to one single line in her profile, and used the rest of the space to talk about herself, her values and her lifestyle. 

What was the impact? 

Almost immediately, Rachael noticed that her profile started attracting a different type of man.  She felt more optimistic about the calibre of person who was approaching her, and this built hope and confidence. 

One month in to her new dating project, Rachael was actively dating 3 different guys.  She was satisfied that her new profile was presenting the right picture of her and attracting the right type of man, and things were looking up. 

At the three-month mark, Rachael was exclusively seeing Rob.  She felt relaxed, happy and excited about the possibilities that lay ahead. 

It’s amazing the difference a few tweaks to your profile can make.  So take a close look at yours and ask yourself: 

♥  Does my profile reflect the real me? 

♥  Does it showcase my strengths? 

♥  Does it communicate my values? 

♥  Do the photos show me living my values? 

♥  Are my not-negotiables clear? 

Happy Dating! 

Mel x

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