Home Dating Behaviour Case Study: Living your Best Life is an Aphrodisiac

Case Study: Living your Best Life is an Aphrodisiac

written by Mel Schilling, Psychologist

I’d like to introduce you to Pippa (not her real name).  

When we met, Pippa had spent 15 years as a banker.  A straight-talking, tough-minded, highly analytical numbers woman.  She had dedicated herself to her career, progressed up the corporate ladder because ‘that’s what you do’ and had calved out a very successful and lucrative career. 

But she was miserable. 

By throwing herself into her career Pippa had missed out on aspects of life.  Holidays with the girls, long weekends away, days at the races and flirty dates.  She had essentially put her social life on hold to allow her career to flourish. 

And then there was her health. 

By putting her work first, Pippa had neglected her health and fitness and had spiralled into an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle of take-away food, alcohol, late nights and couch dwelling. 

The Turning Point  

By the time she reached 37, Pippa was burned out.  Unhealthy. Unfit. Unhappy. And alone. 

Something had to give. 

At around the same time, Pippa’s cousin was diagnosed with a chronic illness that was largely lifestyle related.  This was the wake-up call Pippa needed to re-evaluate her life and take stock of her past, present and future. 

We worked together on Pippa’s life evaluation and I guided her through a few activities that helped her tap into her deepest desires, passions and values. 

Pippa soon realised that the life she had been living was completely out of alignment with who she really was and what she really wanted. 

When we stripped away her ‘corporate persona’ Pippa realised she was a person who really valued health, who wanted to live a vital life and who had a strong desire to help people.  

The butterfly emerges  

Fast-forward 6 months and Pippa fundamentally changed her life. 

She started studying yoga, transitioned out of her job, over-hauled her diet and lost 17 kilos. 

She was well on track to becoming a yoga teacher with big dreams about opening her own studio, a nurturing space for women to relax and flourish. 

Pippa also joined her local gym during this transitional time in her life and started to connect with a different group of people.  Rather than restricting her interactions to work colleagues, she was now mixing with fit, motivated and energetic people who really resonated with her true self. 

By Christmas that year, about 9 months into her journey, Pippa was feeling completely different about her career, her health, her future and her self.  She was looking at her life through a new lens, a much more optimistic lens that stimulated excitement, anticipation and motivation.   

She agreed to attend the gym Christmas party (something the old Pippa would have avoided) and bought a new dress for the occasion. 

As she approached the venue she noticed that she felt different – calm, poised, proud, confident and most of all, excited about what the night may bring. 

This was a very new feeling for her and she loved it. 

During her evening, Pippa found herself chatting with one of the guys from her pump class, Tom.  She had noticed his friendly smile a few times before, but had never had the courage to say hello. 

As the night wore on, she realised they were only speaking to each other and it was like everyone else had disappeared! 

This was the first time she had ever been so comfortable speaking with a man in a social setting.  It came so easily for her as they had so much in common – they both valued health, fitness and family, both enjoyed an active lifestyle and both wanted to help others and make the planet a better place. 

Needless to say, they had a lot to talk about. 

At the end of the night, Tom asked Pippa out and she happily accepted the date. 

Her first real date. 

Today 

We are now a couple of years down the track and Pippa is working as a yoga teacher, living an active, healthy life, with Tom by her side. 

Now approaching 40, she has started investigating fertility options and she and Tom are planning a family. 

Pippa says that Tom is her ideal, perfect partner.  He knows when to support her and when to allow her to be independent, he gives her space when she needs it and smothers her with love when she needs that too. 

They have fun together, they play, they run, they hike and they cook healthy food together.   

What can we learn from Pippa’s Story? 

Pippa created a ‘happily ever after’ in her life by identifying the need to date herself

She evaluated her life, recognised where changes needed to happen, invested in making changes and had the courage to back herself in her life change. 

And boy, did it pay off! 

By dating yourself first, you will set the scene for an authentic life.  When you are living your values and being true to yourself you will start to connect with people who share similar values and lifestyle preferences. 

Like attracts like.   

So take a leaf out of Pippa’s book and start investing in yourself.  Ask yourself what you could change about your life to be more aligned with your core values or your greatest passions. 

Know that when you choose to live on purpose, you will attract the right partner at the right time. 

Happy Dating! 

Mel x

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