Home Dating Mindset Date Yourself First: How to Become the Perfect Date

Date Yourself First: How to Become the Perfect Date

written by Mel Schilling, Psychologist

Dating is hard.

Sometimes, it’s really hard.

It can play to our deepest fears and insecurities and sometimes the couch and a bottle of wine seems much more appealing. Sometimes, it feels like a waste of make-up and hair product to get all dressed up, go out and get rejected.

I lost count of the number of evenings I spent on my comfy couch watching TV and eating Magnums, pondering ‘What if I never meet him? …Will I be on this couch forever?’ 

It’s so important to prepare yourself for the challenges of the dating world.  Putting yourself out there and announcing to the world that you are looking for love can put you in a very vulnerable place. 

Whilst this vulnerability is a necessary part of the process (and in fact, it increases your attractiveness to potential dates), it does not have to be overwhelming.  By spending some time investing in yourself before entering your next dating adventure, you will reap the rewards in the following ways: 

♥  Feeling more confident meeting new people and initiating conversations 

♥  Developing clarity about your strengths and feeling more comfortable ‘selling’ yourself 

♥  Creating a complete and fulfilling life that will be complemented by a great partner 

♥  Making conscious choices about the people you surround yourself with on your dating journey 

♥  Building resilience and coping strategies to deal with rejection 

By learning to love and appreciate yourself first, you will be in a stronger position to enter into a great relationship.  When you live your best life, you are at your most attractive to others. 

So, by investing in yourself, you benefit from the secondary pay-off of also becoming magnetic to potential dates.  

The foundation of any great relationship is self-love, also known as self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem.  So where do you start? 

How to become the best version of YOU

1. Be grateful 

Start by taking stock of all the positive things in your life and practicing gratitude.  Research has shown that daily gratitude practice improves your physical, psychological and social life and this is exactly what you need for dating success.   

Rather than focusing on your flabby arms or your cellulite, think about the things you really like about yourself and your life.  For example, what do you appreciate about your: 

♥  Body (come on, there must be one thing you like) 

♥  Personality 

♥  Talents 

♥  Achievements 

♥  Family 

♥  Friendships 

♥  Community 

Come up with a list of your top three things and write them on your mirror in lipstick, program them into your phone or list them in your journal. 

Having a daily reminder of the things you like about yourself and your life will enhance your sense of wellbeing, optimism and your capacity to be open to possibilities. 

2. Get Passionate

People who are driven by passion tend to live more fulfilled and vital lives. 

Think about someone you know who is totally absorbed in a hobby, political party, sport, band or artistic pursuit.  What words would you use to describe them?  Chances are, you see them as enthusiastic, motivated and interesting (if a little obsessive). 

♥  What are the things that get YOU out of bed in the morning? 

♥  What are the activities that make your heart sing? 

♥  What are you absorbed in, when you forget that time exists? 

♥  Is there something in your life that you are secretly passionate about or wish you had the courage to pursue?

By identifying one thing that you are passionate about and actively engaging in it every week, you will enhance your level of overall life satisfaction. 

And yes, you guessed it, people with high levels of life satisfaction are more attractive to potential dates.

3. Be selective 

Not all relationships are GOOD relationships.  Right? 

As human beings we are driven to create bonds with others, we have a primal need to connect and belong.  Sometimes this drive encourages us to enter into relationships that don’t serve us, or stay in relationships long after their used-by date. 

Good relationships can enhance our lives and enrich every experience in our lives.   

As single people in the dating world, we need to surround ourselves with supportive, non-judgmental, motivating people.  That is, people who will provide us with honest feedback, laugh along with us and pick up the pieces when things go wrong.   

Consider all the relationships in your life; family, friends, colleagues, associates.  No doubt, you will have relationships with people who enhance your life (those who give you energy) and people who detract from your life (those who suck your energy!).   

Maybe it’s time to conduct a relationship audit and clear out the energy zappers?  

4. Practice self-flirtation 

Finally, take yourself on regular dates. 

Court yourself, woo yourself, flirt up a storm to impress your own pants off. 

♥  What solo activity could you indulge in every month that would make you feel special? 

♥  Is there something you reserve for ‘special occasions’ or something you only ever do with other people?     

Happy Dating!

Mel x

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