Home Dating Behaviour Take Control Of Your Dating Destiny

Take Control Of Your Dating Destiny

written by Mel Schilling, Psychologist

Your vision and desire for the future is only as powerful as the action you take. All the wishing and hoping in the world will not bring you your ideal relationship unless you move into action mode.

Research tells us that highly successful people not only visualise their dreams, they also verbalise and write down their goals, and then they tell people about their intentions. By formulating tangible action steps and making a public declaration, you will increase your chances of dating success exponentially.

So, let’s get real.

In my experience, setting outrageously ambitious goals can be overwhelming at best, and demotivating at worst. My clients get more success from breaking their goals down into small, actionable steps that they can commit to on a daily, weekly and monthly basis.

If your overall goal is to enjoy a positive relationship with your ideal, perfect partner, what small changes could you make in your every-day life to bring this to fruition?

And now for the hard part – public declarations. At first this may feel a little awkward, even desperate, but in reality, it is a confident and courageous expression of what you want in life. By telling people about your desire to be in a great relationship, you will open up a whole range of opportunities (if your eyes are open to them).

So decide how you want to do this, and with whom. You might decide to make an announcement on Facebook, or have a quiet word with a trusted friend, or even share your intentions with strangers. As the research suggests, telling others will make you accountable and more likely to follow through.

Rachel

You met Rachel in a previous blog

Throughout our time together, Rachel realised that she had never really applied a strategy to her dating life. She had drifted from one relationship to the next, simply responding to men who showed interest in her. It was time to take the control back.

Rachel drew on her revised self-talk about relationships, her new ‘ideal partner list’ and her clear vision for the future, and converted this into action. She devised a short list of daily, weekly and monthly actions she could integrate into her everyday life in order to move closer to her ideal, perfect relationship.

It happened that Rachel’s highest value was ‘health’ and she realised that men who share this value probably attended the local gym or ran around the park. Within a month of putting her actions in place, Rachel met Rob at a running group at the local park, and they have now been dating for the past 6 months.

It’s Time For Action

I’m sure that if you wanted to achieve a goal in your career, finances or health, you would set your intention and take action toward your goal. Right? So why should it be any different with the most important relationship of your life?

Happy Dating!

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