Since the Sexual Revolution, women have been progressively building their self-worth, assertiveness, social and political power, and this has led to the emergence of a new brand of woman.
The new Alpha Female is sometimes accused of behaving in a masculine manner and is even labeled negatively when she is seen to be acting against her traditional roles. There has been some recent media focus on the Alpha Female and it has become apparent that, in the dating world, the more confident, dominant ladies could do with some help.
Are You An Alpha Female?
So, what does it mean to be characterised as an Alpha Female? Ask yourself these questions:
– Are you more task focused and single-minded than other women?
– Do you see motherhood as something that will happen ‘later’?
– Do you see yourself as emotionally self-sufficient?
– Are you sometimes accused of being aggressive?
– Are you likely to get straight to the point in conversations?
Now, of course, there needs to be room for individual differences, personality styles and family backgrounds, but generally, if you responded more YES than NO, the research suggests you may be an Alpha Female.
The BIG Mistake Many Alpha Females Make
There seems to be a common misconception that Alpha Females need to partner up with Alpha Males. In reality, this often leads to a clash when both partners compete for power, dominance and to be ‘on top’ (pardon the pun).
So what if an Alpha Female connected with a Beta Male?
A Beta Male is more likely to take the supportive role with a woman, to allow her to lead, to shine, and to be herself in all her glory. A Beta Male is likely to provide long term security for a woman; he will allow the relationship to focus on her needs and is likely to be emotionally tuned-in to her ups and downs.
The challenge is, in her natural behavioural style, the Alpha Female doesn’t always attract a Beta Male (in fact, she probably scares the pants off him, and not in a good way!). The good news is that with a few behavioural tweaks, Alpha Females can start to connect with Beta Males.
How to Attract Beta Males
1. Create space and time in your life
Alpha Females are inclined to fill their lives with personal and professional ‘busyness’ and tend to operate in a highly self-sufficient manner. When asked out on a date, an Alpha Female might reply that she will be free for a coffee in 3 weeks!
Start by creating some space in your diary and some flexibility around your schedule. Imagine placing a sign on your forehead that says ‘available’.
2. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Vulnerability is not a common trait for many Alpha Females. They often prefer to keep any perceived ‘flaws’ or ‘weaknesses’ to themselves and sometimes find signs of vulnerability in others quite unattractive. Generally speaking, all men are attracted to a level of vulnerability in women.
3. Notice the guy in the shadows
When you enter a room it’s not hard to spot the Alphas – they are the men with the loudest voice, the most intense eye contact, the boldest dress style and often, the strongest scent (a throw-back to our animal ancestors). But if you look a little closer, you’ll start to notice the men just to the side of the dominant story-tellers. They may be laughing along, sharing the joke, but not necessarily holding court.
4. Don’t date when ovulating
Yes, that’s right. Scientists have found that women are most likely to be attracted to males with high testosterone levels (i.e. Alpha Males) during the time of ovulation. When you think about it, it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, ovulation is the time when women’s brains and bodies are preparing to conceive. So keep an eye on your cycle and choose to spend ovulation time having a quite cocktail or coffee with a girlfriend, rather than hunting men.
5. Visualise what you want
In order to change your behaviour, start with your mindset. If you are an Alpha Female and you’d like to experiment with Beta Males, start with your imagination.
Spend 10 minutes each night visualising yourself in a happy relationship with a man who supports you, doesn’t compete with you and allows you to be YOU. See yourself going through the course of your everyday life with a Beta Male by your side. Imagine the thoughts that will run through your mind, the feelings you will experience and the things you will do each day. Imagine the environment you are living in, the conversations you have, the activities you enjoy together and separately. Imagine yourself telling your friends about your great relationship.